8 Lies That Destroy Marriage

Imagine meeting with an engaged couple a few weeks before they are married. With excitement they describe how they met and how their relationship developed. The husband-to-be proudly describes how he set up a perfect romantic evening so he could pop the big question.

Then they surprise you by saying, “We want to get married and have some children. At first we will feel a lot of love for each other. Then we’ll start arguing and hating each other. In a few years, we’ll get a divorce.”
Who would enter marriage intending to get a divorce? And yet, divorce is occurring at alarming rates. A large number of people in my church have been hurt deeply by divorce—they’ve been divorced themselves, or they’ve felt the pain of a parent or relative divorcing.

As common as divorce is, I’m convinced that most of them could be avoided. Mark this down on the tablet of your heart: Every wrong behavior begins with believing a lie. Our culture promotes many deceptions that can quickly destroy a marriage. Here are eight:

Lie #1. "My happiness is the most important thing about my marriage.”  
As a pastor, I can’t tell you how many people have justified breaking up their marriages by saying, “I have to do this. God just wants me to be happy.”

But according to God’s Word, a spouse’s individual happiness is not the purpose for marriage.
The Bible says in Colossians 3:17: “Whatever you do in word or deed,” do for the glory of God. While all parts of creation are to glorify God, mankind was made in God’s very image. Through marriage, husbands and wives are to reflect His character and have children who will reflect His character … all the way to the end of time.

Every marriage knows unhappiness. Every marriage knows conflict. Every marriage knows difficulty. But everyone can be joyful in their marriage by focusing on God’s purposes and His glory instead of individual happiness.

Lie #2. “If I don’t love my spouse any longer, I should get a divorce.”   
It’s a tragedy to lose love in marriage. But the loss of human love can teach us to access a deeper love—the very love of God Himself. That love is patient and kind … it never fails (1 Corinthians 13). It even cares for its enemies.

When human love dies in a marriage, a couple can enter into one of the most exciting adventures they’ll ever have: learning how to love each other with God’s love. Romans 5:5 tells us that this very love “has been poured out within our hearts, through the Holy Spirit.”

Lie #3. “My private immorality does not affect my marriage.” 

A lot of people think, I can view pornography in the privacy of my home. It’s just me and my magazine, or computer … it doesn’t affect my marriage.

Oneness in marriage is hijacked by sexual immorality. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:15, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?”

In the 21^st century, there are many ways to join oneself with a prostitute: physically, through the pages of a magazine, on a computer’s video screen, etc. Paul’s advice is the same today as it was thousands of years ago: Flee immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).

If you take your emotional and sexual energy and spend it on someone else, there will be nothing left for your spouse. Those who continually view pornography or engage in sexual fantasies are isolating themselves.
Lie #4. “My sin (or my spouse’s sin) is so bad that I need to get a divorce.” 

The truth is God can fix our failures—any failure. The Bible says to forgive one another, just as God in Christ has forgiven us (Colossians. 3:13).

“But,” you ask, “Doesn’t Matthew 19:9 say that God allows divorce in the case of sexual immorality?” Yes. I believe that it does—when there is an extended period of unrepentance. Yet, nowhere in that passage does God demand divorce. When there is sexual sin, we should seek to redeem the marriage and so illustrate the unfathomable forgiveness of God.

Some of the greatest life messages I know are the marriages of people who have repented from sexual sin and spouses who have forgiven them. Their lives today are living testimonies to the truth found in Joel 2:25: “… I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten.”
Lie #5. “I married the wrong person.”

Many people have told me, for example, that they are free to divorce because they married an unbeliever. “I thought he/she would become a Christian, but that didn’t happen. We need to get a divorce.” They recall that they knew it was a mistake, but they married anyway—hoping it would work out. Others claim that they just married someone who wasn’t a good match, someone who wasn’t a true “soul mate.”

A wrong start in marriage does not justify another wrong step. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good,” says Romans 8:28, “to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

God tells us not to be poured into the world’s mold. Instead we are to be transformed and that begins in our minds. By doing this, God will give us exactly what we need for our lives. God’s will for us is good, acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:1-2).

Here’s the key for those who are now married: The Bible clearly says do not divorce (with the exception for extended, unrepentant sexual immorality). God can take even the worst things of life and work them together for good if we will just trust Him.

Lie #6. “My spouse and I are incompatible.” 

I don’t know a lot of husbands and wives who are truly compatible when they get married. In marriage, God joins together two flawed people.

If I will respond correctly to my spouse’s weaknesses, then God can teach me forgiveness, grace, unconditional love, mercy, humility, and brokenness. The life of a person who believes in Jesus Christ is developed by responses to not only happy things, but also to difficulties. And those very difficulties include weaknesses.

That is why we are told in Colossians 3:12-13 to “put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other.” My spouse’s weaknesses are not hindrances. Instead, they are the doorway to spiritual growth. This is a liberating truth.

If I will respond to my spouse’s shortcomings with unconditional acceptance, my love won’t be based on performance. I won’t say, “You need to live up to these expectations.” I will be able to accept my spouse, weaknesses and all. And that acceptance will swing open the door of change for not only my spouse, but also for me.

Lie #7. “Breaking the marriage covenant won’t hurt me or my children.” 

When divorce enters a family, there are always scars. I know this firsthand; although I was an adult when my father committed adultery and divorced my mother, decades later there are still effects. Many consequences of divorce never go away.

Blake Hudspeth, our church’s youth pastor, also understands the pain of divorce. He was 5 years old when his parents divorced, and it was hard for him to understand God as Father and to trust people. “The people I trusted the most split up.” He also found it difficult to accept love from others “because I didn’t know if they truly loved me.” And Blake developed a fear of marriage. “Am I going to follow the trend of divorce, because my parents and grandparents divorced?”

Blake’s father even wrote him and said, “This was the worst decision I made in my life. It was bad. It hurt you. It hurt our family. When I divorced your mom, I divorced our family because I broke a covenant that we were a part of.”

Blake says that his parents (who both remarried) have embraced the gospel, resulting in him readily accepting advice and encouragement from them. “Watching the gospel play out … with my mom and dad was huge,” he says.


Lie #8. “There’s no hope for my marriage—it can’t be fixed.” 

This may be the most devastating lie of all. Because in more than four decades of counseling couples, I’ve seen God do the seeming impossible thousands of times. In a dying marriage, He just needs two willing parties. God knows how to get us out of the messes we get ourselves into.

I tell these couples about people like Chuck and Ann, who were involved in drugs and alcohol before God restored their home. Or Lee and Greg, who were engaged in multiple affairs. God brought them back to Christ and to each other. Now they have six children and a marriage ministry. Or Jim and Carol who had taken off their wedding rings and were living in separate bedrooms and about to live in separate worlds when God redeemed them.

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Successful Marriage

Did you ever wonder why some people find the perfect person to marry, do so, and enjoy a love affair that lasts a lifetime? On the other hand, some marry a person that is wrong for them now, wrong for them tomorrow, and wrong for them for a lifetime? What’s the difference? Why do some succeed at love and marriage where others fail?
One of our mentors, Don Clifton, the former CEO of the world renowned Gallup Organization (rest his soul), often reminded us of the power of “pervasive personality characteristics.” Don defined “pervasive” as “a recurring pattern of thought and behavior.” In other words, these are the personality characteristics that a human being develops within the first two decades of life that, for the most part, defines who they are for a lifetime. Don believed that you are what you are by the time you become an adult. Changing who and what you are becomes nearly impossible after that.

So what is the lesson in all this? Simple really. The people you meet in life are, by the time they reach adulthood, pretty much what they are. They won’t change much, if at all. The hard truth is, they can’t change who they really are, even if they wanted to. Oh, sure, people as adults can make you believe from time to time that they are something different than what they really are, but in the end, they are, well, they are what they are. Make no mistake about that.

When it comes to love and marriage, there is a truism that trumps all truisms. It goes like this – pay close and careful attention to the words, deeds, and actions of the person you think you are falling in love with. And in the end, pay most of your attention to their actions, first and foremost! The truth is a person’s actions speak so much louder than their words. Never lose sight of this truism for to do so is put your heart, your health, and your happiness at peril.

One of the questions we are most often ask as we travel the world discussing our work and conducting our marriage interviews is this: “What are the secrets of a successful marriage?” Our immediate answer is always the same – marry the right person!

On the surface this may seem like a flippant answer to such a serious question, but it isn’t really. If people who think they are falling in love with someone would pay more attention to their actions and not the words, they wouldn’t miss the telltale signs.

Here’s how it works. You think you love a guy. He tells you all of the right things. But over time you begin to notice that his actions belie his words. He tells you he respects you but dismisses your opinions. He waxes on about how he puts you on a pedestal but never opens the door for you when he gets to it first. He tells you how he wants the relationship between the two of you a shared relationship, and then he makes all the decisions. You get the idea. We could go on.

The point is this – if you fail to notice and question the actions of the one you purport to love in the early stages of your relationship then you are deluding yourself into thinking he/she will change later on. They rarely do. And so often, those that ignore the signs and the warnings end up getting married, only to discover later on that the person they married is not who they thought he/she was.

So, back to the earlier question – the best secret to a successful marriage is marrying the right person in the first place! Taking the time to carefully observe the actions of another person over a period of time tells you a lot more about them than their words ever could. All too often we hear one or both people in a marriage lament to us that if they had only paid attention to the telltale signs, they would not have married the person they married. Many of these relationships end in divorce.

We don’t mean to suggest that it is always easy to tell if the one you think you love is one you can have a successful marriage with. We do, however, believe strongly that paying close and careful attention to the one you are thinking about marrying in the early stages of your relationship can save a lot of failed marriages from happening in the first place. This is the ultimate key to a successful marriage.

If you consciously and rationally believe that the words, deeds, and actions of the one you are thinking of marrying all jive and are consistent, then your marriage has half a chance at being successful.

In the end, a marriage built on this foundation has a reasonable chance of success. And while we often say that a successful marriage is an accumulation of the simple things, and that a good marriage is simple to understand, we always remind people that you have to do the simple things each and every day of your lives together to make it work.

Making a marriage a success requires hard work. If you base your marriage on a lie – you ignored the actions you were observing in the person you were falling in love with – then all of the simple things required to make a marriage work will more than likely not be enough to carry the day.

Pervasive characteristics in people are very real. They define who they are and they almost never change. As we always say, keep your eyes wide open when you are falling in love. You won’t regret it later.

One final note – never enter a marriage thinking you can ignore the behaviors now and change them later. Too many have fallen prey to this notion. It rarely ever works.

Simple things matter in love and marriage. Love well!

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Marriage – very touching Story!

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce –At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband…

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Author Unknown

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Husband Wife Quotes

 

The relationship between husband and wife should be one of closest friends. - B. R. Ambedkar 

A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. - James H. Boren

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest. - H. L. Mencken

A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night. - Chanakya  

I do not want a husband who honours me as a queen, if he does not love me as a woman. - Elizabeth I  

I think God made a woman to be strong and not to be trampled under the feet of men. I've always felt this way because my mother was a very strong woman, without a husband. - Little Richard 

Ages of experience have taught humanity that the commitment of a husband and wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society. - Jack Kingston  

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.  - Voltaire  

A woman's life is not perfect or whole till she has added herself to a husband. Nor is a man's life perfect or whole till he has added to himself a wife. - Anthony Trollope  

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. - Ambrose Bierce 

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. - H. L. Mencken  

After marriage, a woman's sight becomes so keen that she can see right through her husband without looking at him, and a man's so dull that he can look right through his wife without seeing her. - Helen Rowland  

The house wife is an unpaid employee in her husband's house in return for the security of being a permanent employee. - Germaine Greer  

Whenever I fail as a father or husband... a toy and a diamond always works. - Shahrukh Khan 

The man as he converses is the lover; silent, he is the husband. - Honore de Balzac 

Also Read : Marriage Quotes & Love Quotes

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Fengshui tips to enhance love and romance in married life

In order to have a happy married life. Make sure you keep these Feng shui tips in mind-

1. Color is a very important part of Feng Shui. Try splashing some pink or light red on the walls. Decorations can be used in pink, yellow or brown which are colors known to attract and improve love and relations. Increase passion in your relationship by the usage of fire elements in the room like red curtains. However do not overdo it.

2. Direction- the Southwest corner of your home is the corner that governs the luck of love, romance and relationships. Natural crystals are especially effective for energizing the Southwest corner of your home. Place a crystal on the Southwest corner of your living room or bedroom to activate and enhance your romance luck. You can keep cream colored ceramic vase with artificial yellow flowers in this area too.

3. Mattress - Do not buy or use used mattresses in the bed as you never know what energy they have accumulated from previous owners. Also do not use two separate mattresses in the bed.

4. Bed- Do not place the bed under a sloped ceiling. Beds with built-in storage drawers underneath are considered bad in Feng shui. Bed also should not be placed in line with any doors of the room. In addition to a good headboard make sure to have a good supporting wall behind your bed. The Bed should be accessed from both sides. It is also advisable not to sleep under the window. Placing nightstands on both sides of the bed is a good idea as long as it does not have pointed edges. A chandelier above your bed also is bad Feng Shui. Also make sure you do not have furniture with sharp ends pointing towards the bed even if it is in the farthest corner of the room. Also make sure to keep all doors in the bedroom closed at night

5. Mirrors: Facing the bed or on the ceiling is considered bad in Feng Shui. Keep the mirrors out of the bedroom if possible or keep it covered when not in use.

6. Mend Relationships-  Are you someone who need to recover from a break up then the first thing you need to throw away is all the clutter of the old relationships like photographs, mementos or anything reminding of the previous relationship. Removing old relationship energy also means that you have to throw away the love letters or the old sheets which you used. If you want to attract a new romantic partner you need to give up the old and make sure to make space for the new person in your home.

7. Electronics- Keep the television out of your bedroom. Let your bedroom not be your TV room. Still if you want to keep it keep it covered when not in use. Television sets should not face bed directly.

8. Use Pairs- Use love symbols in pair by way of pictures or figurines. Some symbols can be love birds, mandarin ducks, pair of geese etc. If you have photos or paintings, make sure that there are two people in it. If you have one side table, you should have two. If you have pillows on your couch, make sure that there are in pairs.

9. Things to Avoid- Avoid water symbols in the room including aquariums or pictures of rivers, waterfalls etc. Avoid decorating the bedroom with potted plants or artificial or fresh flowers.

10. Maintain Balance- Remove imbalance by making sure, there is equality on both sides of the bed - same end tables, lamps, equal candles.... on each side of the bed

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How to Ignite a Spiritual Spark in Your Romance

Are you looking for a steamy romance that sets your life on fire? Maybe you’ve found the right partner, but it’s time to reignite that flame? We all want the kind of love that makes us feel vibrant, like we could conquer the world. Yet, what happens when the flame dies down to a soft kindle? What happens when life’s responsibilities and demands catch up with us? When the excitement of new love settles down, I hope you’ll balance your romance with a soulful and spiritual love that can pull you through every stage of life. The time will come to ignite a spiritual spark in your romance. But, how will you know when it’s time? How will you get started? Here’s a few Spiritual Wellness guidelines to help:

1. Spirituality is like Sex

It shouldn’t be shared with just anyone. It’s also intimate and makes you emotionally vulnerable to your partner.
I had a roommate who was elated about a first date with a guy she had just met. At the end of the date, he asked if they could pray together. She thought this was a sign that she had met the man of her dreams. As a spiritual person, she thought it was amazing to find a man who wanted to pray with her. She took his hand and closed her eyes while he prayed a generic prayer. Then, she skipped through the front door and excitedly dished all the details about her date … including the prayer.
I immediately told her that this was not the guy for her! What kind of guy asks a girl to pray with him on a first date? Only a weirdo! The exception to this rule is the occasional and obligatory, pre-meal prayer tradition. In time, my roommate learned that I was right and she dumped the guy.
When a couple practices spiritual exercises it builds an unseen connection – a spiritual connection. Group practices such as attending church or synagogue are completely appropriate with friends and boyfriends alike. However, don’t start to pray or meditate with you partner until you . . .

2. Follow the Intimacy Chain

The “Intimacy Chain” is a term I’ve coined to describe the patterns of intimacy that result in a healthy relationship: social intimacy, mental intimacy, emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and then sexual intimacy.
If you follow the intimacy chain, your romantic relationship should evolve something like this: Have fun together. Exchange ideas. Open up about your hopes and dreams. Make-out. Talk about your spirituality. Have sex. Notice that sex is last. This is because a sexual experience is always a spiritual experience. Even when you intend for sex to be casual, it’s still spiritual. You can’t change this truth. It just is.
When is the time to start a spiritual connection? The appropriate time is somewhere between making out and sex, assuming you first have a mental-emotional connection with the person.

3. A Spiritual Spark Begins with Interest.

To start your spiritual connection . . . Talk. Talk. Talk. Then, talk some more. It’s important that your spiritual connection begin with an interest in each other. Before practicing any spiritual exercises with your partner, ask important questions that reveal his or her priorities and preferences. Ask questions like:

• What religion do you practice?
• How do you prioritize spiritual growth?
• What is your plan for maintaining your spirituality?
• What spiritual practices do you enjoy?
• What spiritual practices are you curious about, or would like to try?

4. Honor Your Spiritual Self

Just because you can talk to your partner about spirituality doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you! This is a loud warning to the ladies! You must be true to your spiritual self.
Once you’ve listened to your partner with an open heart and mind, you must assess whether you are truly spiritually compatible. This is a difficult decision to make if we’ve followed the “Intimacy Chain.” No one wants to say ‘goodbye’ to someone they connect with socially, mentally and emotionally. But, in time, your soul will no longer be able to hide the truth. If you’re looking for “the one” then you must be willing to honor your spiritual self.

5. Spirituality is Like Dating

Let the man lead. When dating, it’s best for the man to take the lead. He should always plan the first date, and also set the pace for the second date. After a few dates, the woman reciprocates and shows interest by planning a few outings. Ladies must be patient, and men have to step-up. It’s a tradition that leads to a balanced, healthy relationship. Remember this principle when beginning to practice your spirituality.
Ladies, you can take the lead on sparking the conversation. Just don’t take the lead when it comes to follow through. Instead, ask a question that probes the man to action. Ask something like: What is your plan for establishing a spiritual connection between us? Hint: He probably doesn’t have a plan. But, now you’ve planted a seed. Follow up with him later. Then, be patient.

6. Men Need a Battle Plan

Men, you’re probably thinking: What’s the plan! First, assess the content of your previous conversations. What spiritual priorities do you share? What interests do you wish to explore? Then, think of ways that you can incorporate these into your dating relationship. Establishing a spiritual connection should start with simple building blocks. You can opt to have a more intense spiritual connection as the relationship grows, or you can keep things simple. Remember, a spiritual connection isn’t something you conquer. It’s something you enjoy. To get started:

• Volunteer together at a homeless shelter (social-spiritual), or
• Attend a religious gathering, and then talk about your experience (mental-spiritual)

Once you feel comfortable with social-spiritual and mental-spiritual exercises, go a little deeper by praying or meditating together. This builds intimacy, so be sure you’re ready to take the next step in the relationship.

7. Women Heat it Up!

Once a man has ignited a spiritual spark, it’s the ladies who heat it up! Woman are typically more spiritually tuned-in that men. We are intuitive, emotional and spiritually creative. So, ladies, don’t make your man carry the spiritual torch alone. Bring some spice to the table. Once he’s initiated prayer, it’s your turn. Take him to a meditation workshop, write a prayer list or practice hearing God. Don’t push him, just open a few doors.
For your spiritual relationship to remain balanced, let it be sparked by the man, but fueled by both the man and woman. During difficult times, your spirituality will be challenged. Either partner should be prepared to step in and provide spiritual leadership to the relationship. If you build spirituality into your relationship at the proper time, you’ll develop a romance that can conquer any hurdle.

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3 Tiny Steps to Fix Things With Your Husband

Do you want to fix things with your husband and get your marriage back on track, but have no idea where to start? What with your jobs, kids and mortgage payments in the way, it really isn't surprising if you don't have time to work on your relationship as husband and wife because you are so drained at the end of the day.
However, if you really want to fix things with your husband, then you have to come up with a plan and follow it. Here are some easy steps that you can follow on your way to a better marriage:
Spend Time Together Every Day.
Even if you only have half an hour to spare a day, that half an hour can help fix things with your husband in no time. The goal here is to spend quality time together during those thirty minutes without any distractions and just talk about the things going on in your lives. Once this becomes a habit, you should soon enjoy a better connection with your husband.
Have Date Nights.
Every married couple needs to go on date nights every now and then. You might go out together a lot, but do you go on actual dates where you dress up and concentrate on nothing else but each other? Make sure you turn off your mobile phones and spend some time away from the kids every so often. This will help rekindle the romance in your marriage in the long run.
Schedule Your Kiddy Time.
This is probably the most important step that you will have to follow. It goes without saying that children can easily suck the life out of you because they require a lot of time and effort. So, the least that you can do is put your kids on a schedule that they will have to follow. If they don't have a set bedtime schedule yet, for example, set one now. Also, if they don't sleep on their own yet, make sure they start doing so now. This is sure to help you connect with your husband better in the end.
Believe it or not, following the 3 tiny steps mentioned in this article can be enough to help you fix things with your husband. You just have to make sure that you follow them to a tee and turn them into daily habits in order for them to become effective.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7503192

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A Short Story

I received a forwarded email in my inbox today..

"....This story touched me. I hope it touches you too..

This is a true story which has touched many readers. As it is quite a long story, reserve it (if you haven't got the time) and read it only when you are in a more relaxed mood.

In either case, do make it a point to savour everyline until the end. This is for all the single, married, divorced, widowed individuals, who take life for granted.

Please, read this story until the end. It is such an eye opener.
You never Know........ .!

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.

Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree.

You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery.

Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round.

As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy.

I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her.

For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment:

"I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for?

You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better.."

Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people' s habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs.

I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure.

Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.

Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.

In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife?

At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.

She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional
work for me.

For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room.

Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night..

I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me....

I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once?

We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.

During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting.

At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife.

To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me:

"LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?"

He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.

After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?"

I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat.

I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not.

I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out..

Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes..

I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.

Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call.

I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do?

For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life..

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.

Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day?

At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there.

It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him.

He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab.

At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy.

What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down.

Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes.

I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up.

I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face.

He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house.

Maybe he really intends to leave me for good.

What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters.

I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby.

I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird
look and said:

"Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock.

I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away.

Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes.

My god, how could this happen?

Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me.

I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people.

That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside.

As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....

In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him.

And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe.

I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in.

I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later.

The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other.

I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.

After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes.

I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her.

He stared back at me,challenging me.

I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death.

I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.

That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that.

Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff..

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.

I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination.

My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not..

I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room.

The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke.

On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper.

I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself.

I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign."

He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry...." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.

Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?"

Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops.

I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now."

He did not go.

In the dark, we sat, facing each other..

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket.

In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me.

I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't.

In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever.

We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart.

For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.

From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room.

He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room.

At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet.

This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh.

He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.

Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full.

I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions.

He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of Spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment.

He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital.

Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite.

Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind:

In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling.

I reached out and touched his hand.. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor.

I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his...

I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long.

I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying:

"Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and

I had thought that.... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now...

I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be..

But daddy now no longer has that chance.

Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion.. . ..

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey.

To be honest, daddy is very happy.

Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...

" From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby....

My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...

These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma.

I brought our son over and place him beside him.

I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile.

Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.....

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...

"Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family.

Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."...... ...

This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger!

Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience....

This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift.

Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge.

In life, offenses are inevitable.

But holding a grudge is a choice we consciously make.

Communication is key..."

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Ideas for Cozy Weeknights

What do you do on weeknights with your hubby apart from watching TV, going out for dinner, inviting friends and snuggling in bed? Well are you out of ideas. If yes, here are few romantic ideas for a cozy weeknight which is fun as well as erotic.

Cook ‘n’ Tell
Cook a few dishes and don’t tell your hobby what you have prepared. Blind-fold him and tell him to identify the dish. If correct he can ask you for a favour and if he is wrong, you get the chance to make him do whatever you can. 

Pamper one another
After making love, give one another a good scrub in the bathtub. You can introduce him to your latest salt scrub while he works a deep conditioner into your scalp. 

Black-out Sex
Create a make-believe blackout once a week. Just switch off the main switch and don’t forget to even unplug the telephone. An hour of technology-free time will heighten your senses and bring passion back into your life.

Play a sexy game
Fetch Chutes and Ladders from the kids closet and play an erotic ‘strip’ game together. You remove an item of your own clothing each time you slide down a chute, and you get to remove one garment from your opponent every time you climb a ladder. 

Grooming
Trade grooming tasks. Have your hubby give your hair 100 strokes, then offer to file his fingernails. You can also get him to give you a body massage and vice versa.

After dinner walk
Go for a walk and talk and listen. Talk about your future plans, about work, about kids and about plans that have been getting pushed aside. Have a good conversation for that’s the most important thing in a good relationship.

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Working Couple And Romance

Gone are the days when it was expected of woman to exclusively stay at home, nurse the children, look after the household work and take care of the in-laws. Though the notion still exists but today’s woman is also expected to help her husband to contribute towards the household expenses. And thus it is even tougher for women, for now she has much more responsibilities and her duties both towards her house and work has increased. Now a days women are more independent and do not like to be dependent on their husband. But this also leads to constant friction between the couple resulting into conflicts in the relationship. Thus to keep the marriage going, some sacrifices and compromises have to be made by both the parties. It is very often seen that the sense of equality and spirit of independence felt by the career woman results in ego clashes. Thus both husband and wife have to consider that every relationship requires co-operation, trust, understanding and responsibilities without which the marriage will not survive.

Following are a few tips that working couples should always remember in order to make their marriage tick.

Husbands should remember……………

• That his wife is working so the family can live a better life and enjoy every facility available to them.
• To respect his wife’s decision and feelings.
• That his wife ahs an individuality and she cannot be expected to only be a housewife and sit at home when she is well educated and is fully capable of earning and supporting the family.
• To help the wife in the household chores and share the kitchen work, cutting vegetables and help her with dishwashing in case the maid takes a holiday.
• Not be touchy and suspicious about phone calls for her from her male colleagues, which may be only official.
• Not to doubt her character and should allow her to attend office parties and picnics without insisting on accompany her.
• Help her with her work is she needs it.

Wifes should remember……………..

• Never boost about your individuality and independence.
• Never give an impression that just because you are not dependent on your husband you can do anything and that your husband has no right to tell you anything.
• Never mix up office tension with family. Once you are out of the office forget about it and concentrate on your family.
• Never mention office gossip to your husband if he is not interested.
• Don’t be extravagant just because you are earning.
• Avoid praising your male colleagues too much on their looks or behaviour. Even if your boss is nice to you, you don’t have to boast the fact to your hubby who would feel jealous and sometimes even suspicious.
• Don’t be in a hurry to raise a family, as it would affect your career growth. Decide in consultation with your husband, the right time to have the kid and whether you would like to continue working later on.
• Don’t fight over small matters and learn to avoid unnecessary tensions.

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