What makes you financially unfaithful

Yes you are, if you have ever hidden a purchase from your partner or stored away some cash secretly...

Financially 'cheating' your spouse or partner is something that is and has been prevalent and couples indulge in it sometimes without even knowing that it amounts to 'cheating'. A man goes out with his gang of buddies and they spend a few thousands at a resto-bar over drinks and dinner. He knows his wife will probably not like it and may throw a tantrum over the unwarranted expenses. So, he simply avoids telling her about it. In another instance a woman who knows her husband would probably question her about why she was spending so much on her salon visits, decides to keep mum about her beauty parlour bills. This in its mildest forms amounts to financial infidelity.

Dr Kersi Chavda, psychiatrist and immediate past president of Bombay Psychiatric Society says, "Sometimes, a person cannot control his/her shopping or spending impulses and then to avoid a fracas at home over it all, lies. This is done in order to maintain peace at home." He maintains that when it is about a simple manicure then it is not such a big thing.

"However," he adds, "when this involves an enormous amount of money then it can be a problem. A person I know did not reveal his credit card expenses to his partner. He had to finally sell off his house to pay off his debts and his family was devastated."

The money secrets that partners keep from their significant others, takes many forms — ranging from harmless and idiosyncratic, to hurtful and destructive. Most partners have indulged in it at some point or the other. The sad part about monetary cheating is that, very often, it is so subtle that people don't know they're engaging in it, yet it can be just as devastating as an affair when it is finally out in the open.

Sometimes, this kind of monetary cheating can be well intentioned. Somya Mohanty, a 31-year-old human resource executive says, "I have secretly saved money to surprise my husband. I know he always spends too much and that is the reason I have not told him about this extra cash that I have stowed away." The reason for the monetary cheating here, may not be a bad one but it still is cheating, though a mild form. This kind of behaviour may lead to mistrust in the partner later and the overall health of the relationship may suffer because of this say experts.

Lying to your partner about the money you are spending may undermine the trust in the relationship and may also rob you of the kind of intimacy you share with your better half. It is important for couples to keep in mind that if they are feeling guilty of something then there is infidelity of some kind involved. Communication that is open and honest will help build and then later nurture a relationship. Doubts and suspicions take root and grow when there is secret spending and hidden account balances.

The bottom line definitely is that however small the topic might be, it is important to share and discuss everything with your partner, if you want a healthy and happy relationship.

Effects of financial infidelity

- You fail to achieve greater intimacy because you stop sharing with each other how you spend your money.
- You do not develop a respect for the difference in each others personalities.
- You are robbed of a safe way to work through your differences in perspective.
- You may lose out on a big topic of discussion- finance — that sometimes helps to bind couples together.

Financial Infidelity: Reasons cited by couples

- He/she never makes me feel that I am entitled to buy things for myself or spend on myself.
- We rarely share each and every thing with each other, so I do not find any reason to tell him/her everything about where and on what I spend.
- I do not trust my partner and I am sure he/she does not trust me either.
- We just cannot seem to solve our problems regarding money matters.
- Because I do not think that that this amounts to cheating.